Wednesday, January 12, 2005

The Homo Handshake

Accept Jesus Christ as your Personal Savior behavior January 1, 2005 and Receive a Free Digital Phone! That's the topline of an advertisement for the True Christian Advantage Plan, featuring a sleek new AT&T Wireless Nokia. The LCD reads "Jesus is Calling.'

Landover Baptist is a clever website that parodies fundamentalist Christians. It reads like The Onion, with irreverent (or blasphemous, depending upon you viewpoint) articles and silly advertisements.

What Would Jesus Do Thongs
Effeminate Man Asked to Leave 11 A.M. Service
Exposing the Homosexual Handshake

That last one is one of my favorites. The 1950-ish drawings illustrate the four steps of "recruiting" boys with suggestive handshakes.

1. The prospective recruit is approached by a homosexual using the “three fingered lure.”
2. The homosexual extends his middle finger toward the tender area of the prospect’s palm.
3. If there is no resistance, the homosexual begins to tickle the soft skin at the center of the palm.
4. During the final downward motion of the shake, it is seen who will insert or receive the index finger. Thus, establishing who will play the “girl” when they later meet in a public restroom for sex.
So that's what you're supposed to do...