Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Queer Guy for the Straight Girl

There's a new prime time reality show where a gay man helps a pretty blonde find a boyfriend. But you won't find it on Bravo. The prime time fag hag and her sidekick can be seen on ABC, the new gay-must-see-TV. First came Desperate Housewives, now The Bachelorette.

That's not right, you say. "Isn't the Bachelorette that series no one is watching where a reality show veteran gets a second chance at love?" Yes, it is. Except Jen has found some unlikely help in her search. She is now asking Fabrice, her gay would-be "suitor" for styling advice and his opinions on the other men.

Last week, I reported that industry website TVGasm--hey Jaded!--broke the story on "straight" Fabrice. Apparently shirtless circuitboy pics and Big Muscle profiles mean will not deter the execs in Century City from providing us with quality, gay-friendly programming. Initially, I wondered how the network would spin this angle. But after last night's episode, it became obvious the producers are doing exactly what I would: Ignore the critics and let Fabrice queen out.

And boy, did she ever. Here are show highlights with some help from TVgasm:

The bachelors were split into two teams and played basketball. Fabrice (?) was chosen as one of the captains. One team was shirtless--like a bachelorette party, right?--and the other kept their shirts on. We've seen shirtless pics of Fabrice dancing with other shirtless boys; unfortunately, last night he played with the boys who kept their clothes on. But they won, even though Fabrice made the least baskets and scored the fewest points. Fabrice (?) and a teammate won private dates with Jen. Who said gay white men can't jump?

The Frenchie and Jen ventured uptown to Harlem for an evening at the famous Cotton Club. They enjopyed an impromptu "surprise" performance from VANESSA WILLIAMS! Yes, THAT Vanessa Williams! Fabrice loved the performance. I'm sure Vanessa is one of his favorite singers, along with Cher, Madonna and Liza.

Jen asked Fabrice about his past. He mentioned a previous love and made a point to say her name and "she." (Can you call yourself bi after one exeprience? Let's ask Anne Heche.) Then he began to cry, which creeped out Jen.

Then, the conversation became fag-haggish. Jen asked for Fabrice's opinion on the other bachelors. WTF? Let's go to Jen's Diary on The Bachelorette's website for that story:

The only reason I asked Fabrice about a few different guys was because I didn't want him to know I really only wanted his opinion on Jerry. Fabrice told me he thinks Jerry really likes to win and might not necessarily be here for me. I valued that comment because I wonder the same thing. I'm very attracted to Jerry, but I'm still cautious of him. I don't know what to think.
I know what to think. When a straight woman asks a man for relationship advice...she looks at him like a sister.

But I could be wrong. If there was any doubt that Fabrice liked D&G and Saturday nights at the Roxy, it vanished after the Rose Ceremony. Fabrice was one of the lucky four to get a rose, but he was chosen last. That made the 28 year queen old “real estate investor" throw a hissy fit.

BTW, if it isn't obvious, I don't like Fabrice or this alleged competition. So, one more item:

We know that Jen appeared on last season's Bachelor. But do we care that Fabrice is obviously gay ... and also has been another reality show? Even Ray Charles could see this is a set-up.

Take a look at Fabrice's pics from the French series named Operation Seduction 2: In the Caribbeans. Insert laughter ________ here.